The unexpected joys of writer's block

#7 Tuning in to what you need, and doing what you can with what you have

Hi, friend! 💌

It’s been a little while! There’s been a lot going on over here to say the least.

If you want to, you can find out a little more in these Instagram posts:

• This one from a few weeks ago explaining some sources of turmoil

• This one, a poem that I am very proud of😂

• This one about the health news I got last week (with some memes)

• And this one about how I was feeling about it after a few days (plus my joint favourite outfit of the year, (joint with the mermaid tail😂))

It’s been a whirlwind of happenings and emotions, “a lot” even by my standards.

Wishing I could write about it

I’ve said time and time again that writing has saved me and is a lifeline for me, but of course, I don’t have a say in whether when I’m struggling to cope, my brain decides to turn to writing or to switch off from it entirely…and unfortunately, this time it chose the latter.

I cannot explain how frustrating it is to deal with life-altering events without the one tool that you need the most, the one thing that keeps you going more than anything else, your main coping mechanism, especially after already losing so much. But if I’ve learned anything from this life, it’s about the importance of accepting and adjusting, as difficult as it is sometimes.

I need creativity, sometimes I have to temporarily change how I access it

Writer’s block is a thing, so I know the feeling of being unable to access your writing skill is a universal experience among writers, and that, I find quite comforting.

I’ve tried to learn overtime that it will come back, but because it’s an ability that, through illness, I’ve lost for long periods of time and had to fight so incredibly hard for, it’s difficult to trust it’ll return, and it’s triggering every time I experience these blocks.

Now I am coming out of that fog, I am surprisingly grateful for being unable to write in that short time. This and having so much going on acted as a huge challenge to my creativity, one I’ve really risen to. I needed something to channel my feelings and thoughts into, something to help me process, but what I usually use obviously wasn’t available to me the majority of the time.

Firstly, I decided to go easy on myself. It’s important to know when to push and when to back off, and this definitely required some space. I know from previous experience that if I tried to force myself to write something, it would have made it worse and left no space for me to tune into what and how I actually needed to be creating. I took everything one moment at a time, and I’m genuinely proud of the results of that.

At times, I had a rush of “I need to write about this” (usually out of desperation) and I did do so, hence the poem (which is still not how I usually write) and the slightly rambly Instagram posts, but that was rare. Most of the time, I seemed to be gravitating towards the “creating” side.

By tuning into what I needed, I discovered a different side to my creativity, and a whole host of new methods and styles in which to use words to express and process what I was feeling or wanted to communicate. Here are a few examples:

I put an image of myself in the middle of a creation and typed as many of the thoughts that were plaguing me as I could around the edges of it (I did this 10 times, actually😅) and shared it with a few trusted people.

I’ve made a good few memes, even some using templates I made myself from pictures I took while watching TV.

I’ve tried adding text to images, and basically just using whatever is at my disposal to express things even a little.

I even created a few videos and have been thoroughly enjoying playing around with that. Me! Me, who said she’s just “not a reels kind of person”.

I’ve also been utilising the various ways of sharing my creations. It always depends on comfort levels and who I can trust to hold my vulnerability with care. Sometimes I’ll share on my Instagram grid or story, I’ve been using my close friends story a lot, AND I tried out the new close friends grid post feature which I love! Or sometimes I’ll show close family only.

I’ve been embracing “creating without the aim of sharing” even more than usual, which sometimes will still result in sharing in the end, but a lot of these creations have been kept private — possibly to be shared in the future if I feel called to.

I’ve been rambling away to myself on voice memos even more than usual, and jotting down fragmented ideas since I still get glimmers of “I should write about that” but no substance of it, y’know? So the ideas are there, ready when I am.

And I’ve been making sure everything is in order for my creative time. For example: figuring out my routines and rhythms, organising my ideas, sorting out and maintaining the Notion systems I use for writing and creating, etc. so that when I finally can write the way I want to, it’s all there waiting for me.

There’s so much more I could say — this time has ended up being quite creatively abundant, surprisingly.

Do what you can with what you have

I guess what I’m saying is…I’ve been doing what I can with what I have, which is a very important foundational learning of being ill. You might not have a lot to work with, but you’d be surprised what you can do with “not a lot”.

The majority of the time, the airy fairy idea I have in my head is not possible (as is the case with us all in some form, at some point, to be honest). I can’t write all the time, I can’t do the things I want to do, I can’t access all the things I deserve to. Being unable to write sometimes while such heavy things are going on is more frustrating than I could put into words…obviously.

But as long as I can take a step back and see the bigger picture, see what I have at my disposal, and tune in to what I need, I should be able to help myself in some small way at least.

If I hadn’t given myself space, I never would have discovered this other side to my creativity, the ideas I had, and all the exciting ways I can use words to express myself. I never would have been able to listen to my intuition in the way that I did, and doing so is always a much-needed gift in the midst of a lot of turmoil.

I’ll be back (said in the voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger, always😉)

Well, I am back, but I am adjusting my expectations of how I show up here. I will try to post weekly, but at times, it might be biweekly, it might be more than weekly sometimes. I won’t have a particular day. I’ll still aim for Mondays, but I think it’s best if, for now, I rid myself of unnecessary parameters, and see how that goes!

I just want to be free to tune in to myself and create whatever I feel called to, whenever I feel called to.

I am indescribably relieved to be writing again.

Thanks for sticking with me, I’ll see you very soon.

Lots of love,

Cyrene💘