The Venn diagram of Substack and social media is a circle

#13 I was approaching it as if it was not ~ reflections from the past month

Hi, friend! 💌

For the last few weeks, I’ve been pretty much offline. This isn’t like me. As I said a few posts back, social media is part of my self-care as someone who is pretty much unable to get out of the house or interact with people.

However, circumstances and realisations and health heaviness resulted in a pull away from the online world, and I am always striving to listen closely to my intuition, and follow it wherever it leads.

Throughout this time, I have realised the ways in which my online habits need tweaking, including those related to Substack.

It’s funny. After 13 posts here, you’d think I’d have “found my feet” as it were. But no, not even nearly😅 Well, hopefully nearly.

It seems that in 13 posts, in 4 months, I have spent a lot of the time speaking about what this project may look like, what I might share on here, and sharing realisations about the ways I restrict myself on here, and how I am freeing myself from the shackles of arbitrary expectation.

Today’s letter is on the same thread as that, however, this realisation was probably bigger than the previous ones, and it wasn’t just about me. It was about Substack as a whole — as a platform, as a company, as a website, as a community.

The realisations I’ve had in the last month or so have freed me so dramatically, I knew I needed to share them.

So, what is this massive realisation?

When I began writing on Instagram 4 and a half years ago, I knew exactly what I was in for. I knew that Instagram was built to keep you on the platform, to make them money, to make you worship the numbers. I knew I would have to enter this online world armoured if I wanted to stay centred on my original intentions, and armoured I successfully stayed.

When I began writing on Substack, all I had heard about it was positive things. I had heard that it was the opposite of or antidote to social media, that the owners were nothing like the owners of those other apps, and their central purpose was very people-centred — keeping a calm space, a nourishing space, being the quiet in a sea of loud, demanding platforms.

So…I guess I didn’t even consider needing the armour I needed for Instagram.

And don’t get me wrong, Substack is amazing and I love it. But I’ve come to realise that it is a type of social media, and like the other sites, it all depends how you use it to how joyful it’s going to be.

With Instagram, I have never (and I do mean “never”😅) been caught up in the numbers. I’ve never cared, and I hope to never care. My central intentions for Instagram were and are to write and share my journey with life-altering illnesses, to share what it helps me to share, and entering armoured helped me to never deviate from this.

My unarmoured entrance to the world of Substack made the perfect environment for doubts and comparison and number-centred overthinking and being dragged along by whatever everyone else deemed “right” and “important”, and that resulted in my time so far on here being a lot less joyful than it could be.

Not to say I ever shared anything I felt I shouldn’t. Everything I shared was what I felt called to share, but there was always an underlying overthinking going on, and if I ever felt too tense about what I felt called to share, I just didn’t post it.

I have had more “caught-up-in-the-numbers” and comparison issues with Substack in 4 months than I have with Instagram in 4 years.

Not anymore!🥰

What helped me realise all of this was this article that I genuinely advise reading if you write on here. Quite frankly, it’s given me a well-needed kick up the ass!

I hadn’t even fully noticed the signs before reading this very frank piece —

• I get irritated and agitated on the app in a similar way to how I felt on Facebook and Twitter (which is why I moved away from them), and this usually happens if I am scrolling through Notes, which I would do mindlessly since that’s where you automatically land when you open the app,

• I’ve had a lot of “I need to do [this]” kind of thoughts (e.g. set up “recommendations”, post on Notes, comment on everything I read, make specific content for paid subscribers, etc.),

• Getting caught up in numbers and overthinking if a piece was “good enough” or whether I “belonged here” if something that came from my heart didn’t seem to impact anybody,

• Even wanting the attention of more of the people I admire, and then wondering why my writing and I were not good enough to be noticed by them,

• and more.

Basically, I have been trying to pander to what people say you “should” be doing if you’re writing on Substack, instead of prioritising what is best for ME.

Even commenting on other people’s pieces — I love telling people when they’ve written something that has impacted me, but “stressing myself trying to formulate a well-thought-out remark that encapsulates all the feelings and thoughts in a way that makes me look intelligent” is really not where my limited energy needs to be going!

Especially with everything I have going on — I need to be focusing on minimising stress, not adding to it, which I know already😂 but for some reason…overlooked when it came to Substack.

After reading this article and reflecting on it and the ways it linked to my own life and habits, I took a deep breath, and I put on my armour.

I know now that I need to be more aware of how I am showing up in this space, in terms of both writing and reading, from now on, and be more intentional about my habits here. In fact, I’ve already been doing so whenever I’m quietly lurking, and it’s making the world of difference.

So, what now?…again😂

So far, I’ve been on the app less, and when I am on it, I click straight to “inbox” (I did try to find a way to downgrade the app back to the one that went straight to the inbox instead of Notes but apparently that’s not possible), I’ll be paying close attention to how I feel in my mind and body while I’m on here, and acting accordingly.

I read when I want to, and I read at a pace that doesn’t stress me or take me away from more important things. I began to feel like I was “behind” — in fact, I was even referring to being “behind” in previous pieces — when I was only just reading pieces from a few weeks back or wasn’t up to date on the people I subscribe to; feeling like that’s simply “wrong”, and is another piece of evidence that I do not “fit in”. But reading here is meant to be a gentle, joyful, nourishing experience, tailored to what works for my rhythms — I’m excited that I’m getting back to that.

A month or so ago, I said I was widening the net of what I planned to write and share here. I am doing this again — I’ll be widening the net even more, to anything. ANYTHING I want to write and share, because this realisation has also helped me to see the ways I was still talking myself out of sharing certain things due to how it might be received by others.

• I don’t have to be accepted by everybody (or even anybody),

• I don’t need to do what everyone else is doing or says is the “right thing” to do,

• I don’t have to be on Substack Notes,

• I don’t have to have special offers for paid subscribers,

• I don’t have to comment on everything I read,

Basically, I will be approaching Substack as I do Instagram — prioritising my “why” over everything else. Staying centred on what is serving me. Staying values-led. Not bothering myself about outside perceptions or what people think we “should” do, and instead, focusing on what I need from this space. Remembering I write and share to help myself through difficult circumstances first and foremost.

Now, I can finally just enjoy reading and writing what I want to read and write. That is what this was about for me — that’s it.

To summarise —

Substack, for me, is extremely similar to other social media apps, but I was approaching it as if it was not — I was approaching it without armour, without intention, and that ends now. It’s made me even more excited to share here.

From now on, I’m going to be paying much closer attention to the signals of my body and mind while I’m on here, ensuring I’m using this space in the ways that work best for me and centre my own values, and being much more intentional instead of being dragged by the tide.

I am frustrated by the situation and thought patterns I was caught up in, and have been tempted to be hard on myself about the oversight, especially considering these are all lessons I’ve already learned many times, and practice every single day in multiple areas — I didn’t think I’d be making mistakes like these,

but then I remember my vast and deep experience of the fact that in all areas, life often involves learning and realising things again and again, adjusting, recalibrating — each time bringing us closer to the person we are, or the person we’re meant to be. I think we’re all just figuring it out bit by bit.

In terms of Substack, I’m just grateful to have gotten there in the end!😅

Lots of love,

Cyrene💘

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